


Why?

by MetalBunny



Category: DMMd, DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, post drama CD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 09:41:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7097284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MetalBunny/pseuds/MetalBunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aoba realizes that Mink won't sleep through the night in the same bed, despite reciting his tribe's wedding vows to him and them be essentially married.  He has mixed feelings about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why?

**Author's Note:**

> Post the events of the Mink drama CD. I've been sitting on this for a while and decided to finish and post it. I have mild dyslexia so if there's missing words or typos, forgive me and tell me where they are to give me a hand!

It had been a couple of months since Mink professed his people’s traditional weddings vows to Aoba. Things had seemed pretty good at that time, and for some time before then, as Mink relayed his memories to Aoba and had shown him so much of the land that used to be occupied by the tribal people. Aoba wouldn’t ever quite fully understand what it would be like to suffer and survive through a genocide, but he was honored that Mink had been willing to show him and tell him what his life had been like before Toue had destroyed a majority of them. 

Mink knew about Aoba’s experiences, where he had come from and how he was born. But the fact was, that Aoba didn’t remember any of that and had a generally decent life once he had been adopted, despite the years he had spiraled out of control. The year that the fall of Toue had happened, many terrible things had happened to him, but he was resilient and had no trouble moving forward. Life had been set anew for him once everything had occurred for him, and although he did at times think about it and how crazy it had been, he’d remember his grandmother and her unrelenting love and support of him. Although he had always felt odd and different, he always had her and only for that crazy year or so did he feel alone before he turned it around. And even then, with being involved in Rhyme street gangs and destroying people and going off the deep end, she didn’t give up on him.

She even supported him when he had gone off in search of Mink. He started off with the idea that he needed closure for all that had occurred between them before Mink had just disappeared. Mink intrigued him in many ways, and, Aoba had not been able to scrap him completely, he had been able to manage to break the chain that held Mink in bondage of his own suffering. He had not gone off with any intention of forgiveness and he did not want any explanations for what had happened with Mink before they had entered the Toue’s tower. He already knew why Mink had done what he had done, and there was no reversing or reconciling that.

Aoba hadn’t really been entirely sure why he cared as much as he did. Perhaps it was the whole attempt to scrap him, seeing the memories and Mink trapped in his own mind that compelled him to search for the man. He wanted to know more about Mink, and knew there was a good man there despite the awful things he had done. 

Aoba had forced himself into Mink’s life when he did find the man, and more or less refused to leave. Mink was standoffish and avoided him a lot those first few months, and Aoba had considered giving up on Mink, but he did feel, on some level, that Mink owed him discussion at least and to accept his kindness. Mink eventually caved in and Aoba had learned many things, and it endeared Mink to him.

When he and Mink began to develop love for each other, he found that Mink was much gentler than he had imagined. There was always sadness looming around the man, but Aoba assumed that Mink still needed to recover from the past. After all, Mink had delved into survival mode and was hell bent on revenge and willing to do anything to obtain that revenge. And Aoba had ended up being caught up in the middle of it all, and Mink had expressed, in his own way, how it was wrong and unfair to use Aoba in the way he had, and there was a lot of regret, but he did not ever intend to ask for forgiveness and did not want to be forgiven, which Aoba never intended to do anyway.

As they lived together, there were occasions when Aoba felt fear creep up his throat, he’d feel unsettled. Despite the man he saw in front of him now, despite loving the man more than he ever thought he could possibly love another person, those kinds of scars never completely heal. Even if Mink never laid a hand on him to harm him ever again, which he wouldn’t and Aoba knew this, there would be times he’d worry that something would happen that’d make it recur. Mink had asked him near the beginning, when Aoba first took lodging in the cabin, if he was afraid he’d hit him. Aoba knew that he didn’t have to worry about it, and he knew that if Mink did get violent, he could just leave and Mink would let him. It wasn’t like when they were dealing with Toue, when Mink had been so desperate for his plan to go through unhindered. Mink had also intended to die along with Toue, so he never expected that he’d have to live with his sins after the fact. Aoba had saved him from the fate he had made for himself, convinced him to keep living, and he would be grateful in so many ways, but there would be times he wished he’d had just gone down in the finale.  
When they became more intimate with each other, both on the physical and emotional level, Mink had always been sure to provide for Aoba and to be careful, ask for permission, to give Aoba quiet but warm affection. Aoba could not help but love him all the more, and there were many times that he forgot that the Mink he knew in Platinum Jail was not the Mink in front of him now. But one thing that often puzzled Aoba was that Mink did not sleep with him. Mink would usually ensure Aoba was comfortable, he’d often hold Aoba as Aoba drifted off to sleep, but he’d never stay in the bed with him unless he himself was feeling exceptionally tired. Aoba didn’t think too much about it at first. Perhaps Mink wanted to sleep in his own space, perhaps Mink didn’t want to disturb Aoba while he slept, he didn’t know if Mink had trouble sleeping or was a restless sleeper. Maybe Mink was self-conscious about it and didn’t say anything about it. Aoba let good enough alone.

But when Mink had expressed those wedding vows to him, and they had officially started their lives together as a couple, it began to bother Aoba a little more. Mink showed him that he loved him in his many ways, and Aoba had no problem expressing his love for Mink in his own way, although sometimes it’d throw Mink for a loop and Mink would ask him why he had done one thing or another, but despite all that and the wedding vows, Mink did not room with him. It bother Aoba much more than he might expect of other things. He usually demanded explanation, was upfront about his feelings and how people’s behavior affected him, but this particular situation was much trickier than he was used to. There was no definite causation that he could place, and he had mixed feelings about it. Sometimes he felt that, well, Mink was uncomfortable sleeping near someone, and could Aoba really fault Mink for that? Mink never asked him to do anything he didn’t feel comfortable with, so wouldn’t he be a hypocrite if he turned around and did that to Mink?

On the other hand, Aoba would feel a mixture of anger, sadness and bitterness. Although Mink had changed, although he was not the same person he had met back in the day, it didn’t change the fact that in such a short time, Mink had put him through hell. It didn’t change that Aoba suffered abuse by Mink and although those times had faded into the back of his memory, they still sat there and affected him at times. This was one of those things. Mink repented in his own ways, but Aoba found it unjust that Mink couldn’t be bothered to sleep next to him. Aoba felt that he deserved at least that much, and while he knew on some level that Mink had already given him everything he could, when the issue of sleeping was bothering him, he couldn’t help but feel bitter about it. Mink had already expressed that he didn’t deserve love and affection, especially not from Aoba, but he eventually caved and accepted these things from him. So why then? Why did he avoid being close to him when essentially, Aoba was at his most vulnerable? 

Then he’d feel guilty for being angry about it. It wasn’t as if Mink didn’t show him every love and courtesy he could, and Mink expressed his deep love for Aoba in so many ways. But this issue made Aoba wonder sometimes about the truth behind them. He generally gave Mink the benefit of the doubt, but as time continued on, it bothered him more and more. He knew that he would have to either let it go or discuss it with Mink, or he would be eaten up by it and he would get to the point of snapping at Mink or tainting the already tainted love further. The stain of the abuse would never wash away, and that was a fact that both of them accepted when they decided to be together, which was why it was important to not let further staining occur. But Aoba did not know how to say anything about it. Generally, he’d fall asleep in Mink’s arms and then wake up on his own, and before he was awake for Mink leaving the bed, he had believed that Mink was an earlier riser and had been with him the entire night. Mink probably thought Aoba was still of this belief, and Aoba had no frame of reference to predict how Mink might react to him calling this out. Aoba didn’t want Mink to avoid the subject, he didn’t want Mink to defensively brush off the worries, and he didn’t want to poke at some issue Mink was trying to deal with in an unsavory way.

If Mink was dealing with something personal, Aoba wanted to help as it was in his nature to do. He didn’t want Mink to feel like he had to deal with a problem on his own, although Mink had expressed on several occasions that sometimes a person had to. Aoba didn’t necessarily believe that there were problems people were condemned to deal with by themselves, but Mink was adamant about the fact that he would have to sometimes deal with things alone as a condition of the sins he committed. Aoba didn’t like this but understood, although he felt like it alienated his own healing from those sins. As Mink had committed the sins against him, he felt that Mink should discuss the issues he had to deal with, with him.   
Aoba wanted to be sure that it wasn’t just an occasional thing that he was getting upset about. Maybe this was a temporary thing Mink had to deal with, but for several months, Aoba sacrificed sleep to keep track of what Mink did at night. Aoba would make a point to not fall asleep until late into the night. He’d pretend, of course, otherwise he’d never get a definitive answer. And every night, save for very few, Mink would get out of the bed once he thought Aoba was well into sleep and wouldn’t stir from movement. Aoba laid in the darkness, waiting to see if Mink might return, and when he didn’t, he’d lay awake in the dark feeling much lonelier than he had for quite some time. It was different when he was in Rhyme gangs and felt profound loneliness. Living with your husband, being in love and that person supposedly loving you so intensely just leaving you alone in the night, made him feel a very different kind of loneliness.

One night, he braved himself to get out of bed after Mink had been gone for some time, to see what Mink was doing. If Mink was, perhaps, suffering from insomnia, Aoba would no longer feel so hurt if he saw Mink whittling away the night doing one thing or another. But Mink was not in the sitting room or kitchen, but in the second bedroom, asleep. Or so it seemed at least. Aoba stood at the crack in the door watching Mink in the bed for some time, waiting to see if perhaps he was awake and restless and suffered the night away like this, but Mink was still and most likely asleep. Aoba eventually stepped away from the door slowly, trying to decide what he wanted to do. What did he even want? 

Did he want to actually hear the truth? What if Mink really didn’t want to be with Aoba? But his actions in every other aspect of their lives together said otherwise. What if Mink had some terrible problem he was dealing with and would refuse to discuss it with Aoba? Aoba couldn’t really begrudge him for that, he supposed, but that would still cause him a level of worry and concern that he was currently feeling. What if Mink would say it was nothing and force himself to do something he didn’t want to do, and then come to dislike Aoba because of it? Aoba was sure this wouldn’t happen, but it couldn’t be helped that it was a fear he had regardless of what the actual logical conclusions should be. And what if Mink DID discuss it with him and it was something terrible and unfixable? Aoba would then stress about those facts, and would it be any better? Aoba really wanted either to have his ignorance of this habit back, or for it to be resolved immediately without any heart ache along the way. He knew he couldn’t get the ignorance back, and would never know whether or not heart ache would happen unless he actually approached Mink about it.

But for now, he shuffled his way back to the bedroom and laid down in the bed. He laid in the darkness and felt the heaviness in his heart swell enough that he had to cry some to relieve the pressure of it. Eventually his brain decided to slip him into sleep and so he awoke in the morning to find himself still alone. He laid in the bed and listened to the shuffling and movement in the kitchen. He knew Mink was awake and going through his usual morning routines. Did he even suspect that Aoba was in here, surrounded in sadness? Aoba eventually sat up in the bed and decided to get ready for the day, despite wanting to stay in bed and sulk about it all. When he was dressed, he left the room and entered the kitchen.

“Did you sleep well?” Mink said without looking up from the tea he was preparing. Aoba was silent for a moment, staring hard at Mink’s back, watching his back muscles move against the brown shirt he was wearing. He felt a swell of affection and sadness at the same time, and it was a not-often-felt and confusing sensation. Mink stopped what he was doing and was about to turn to see why Aoba had not replied to him, but before he could, Aoba was already behind him and embracing him. Aoba was overwhelmed and holding onto Mink for dear life. Mink was still and they stood like this is silence for some time before Mink decided to speak. “Are you alright?”

Aoba held onto Mink harder, then, and after a moment, he simply nodded into Mink’s shirt. Mink knew that, that nod was more or less a white lie, and he pried Aoba’s arms off of him so he could turn to face Aoba. Aoba did not look him in the eye once they were face to face, and Mink opted to just hold him in response. Aoba laid his head against Mink’s chest and could feel his warmth and hear his heart beat. It reminded him of Mink’s love and affection. Tears stung his eyes and he let out a sigh. Mink held him tighter, bringing a hand behind Aoba’s head to hold his head against his chest a little closer. Mink rested his face into Aoba’s hair and Aoba suddenly felt an overwhelming sadness coming from Mink by this alone. Aoba’s own insecurities, sadness and concerns suddenly jolted out of his foremost thoughts and replaced with concern for Mink. This was his tendency with everyone he was close to, and probably unhealthy to some degree, but that was not something he was going to worry about at the moment. He felt like pulling away to look Mink in the eye, then, but he remained where he was at for the time being. 

Eventually Mink pulled away and kissed him on the mouth gently. “I have to go to work,” he said quietly but with an ever so slight disappointed inflection to the sentence, hating the fact that he just stated because he wanted to stay with Aoba but also needed to be responsible. Aoba smiled at him softly before finally letting go of Mink completely. 

“Have a good day,” Aoba said as Mink prepared to leave, “I love you.” Mink smiled at him, and nodded as he left. Aoba stood in the living room in the quiet, feeling another strange wave of mixed emotions overcome him. He was finding the inconsistency of his emotions overly tiring, and just wanted to sleep some more. He had the day off of work, which was convenient. He hadn’t slept well, of course, but at the same time, he almost wished he didn’t have the day off. He could have shoved the worries and emotions elsewhere while immersing in work, but if he was at home, he’d just have ample opportunities to dwell on such things.

Aoba decided to lay down again, anyway, and laid in the quiet save for the soft sounds of nature outside. He thought about talking it through with Ren, as the all mate had eerie insight at times for situations. He could also a more organized of possibilities and logic he could grasp on his own. He even considered talking to Mink’s allmate, but he had discussed his concerns for Mink with Tori and all Tori could provide him with was most likely possibilities and the like, since Mink didn’t divulge his deepest feelings to his allmate. In fact, Mink’s attachment to the bird wasn’t clear until he had moved out into this secluded area and he had, had Tori for years before then.

Aoba couldn’t stand the silence any longer, but didn’t want to listen to music, so he pet Ren to wake him up. “Good morning, Aoba,” Ren said once he powered up, and Aoba smiled a little.

“I need help,” Aoba said, looking down at the pile of fur on the bed next to him. Ren sat up and stared at the reclining Aoba for a moment.

“I can’t help unless you tell me what it is you need help with,” Ren stated, as Aoba did not say anything further after the initial sentence.

“I think Mink has a problem with me.”

“I haven’t seen any reason for concern lately.”

“Well… I mean, I guess I see that. Its just that he doesn’t sleep with me.”

“He never has. Were you not aware?”

Aoba frowned. “No!” he said, “I didn’t know that. Why didn’t you say anything??”

“I assumed you were already aware,” Ren replied.

“Why doesn’t he, though? He’ll let me fall asleep next to him, but he doesn’t stay.”

“He hasn’t divulged that information to me. Since I didn’t know until now that you were unaware, I assumed it was an arrangement you two made.”

“But that’s why it bothers me so much. We never talked about it, never had that sort of arrangement. He married me, so why doesn’t he want to sleep next to me? I thought he.. I thought he didn’t have any problems with me.”

“I don’t think he does, Aoba. His interactions with you don’t appear disingenuous. He seems to contemplate many things, but if he does not give us any clues about what those are, we can’t come to any concise conclusions. Have you tried to talk to him about it?”

“I haven’t. I don’t know how. I’m afraid to.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know! Maybe I’m afraid of what I’ll learn.”

“But you aren’t doing any better not knowing.”

“I guess that true, I just don’t want to jostle anything terrible.”

“Are you afraid of touching on a sensitive subject?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s the best way to put it. I don’t want to upset him unnecessarily.”

“Maybe it is necessary if its impacting you in this way.”

“…maybe.”

“There is no indication he will be mad or react badly. He tends to avoid confrontation more than anything.”

“Maybe that’s why he never talked about this before.”

“Perhaps, but I think it is still a personal issue of his.”

“You’re probably right.”

Aoba thought about the discussion he had with Ren quite a bit throughout the day, while he decided to occupy his time with cleaning and chores to avoid having idle thoughts. Maybe it was just a personal issue of Mink’s, but he still couldn’t help but want to talk about it. He didn’t have any particular problems with Mink keeping certain things private. The man didn’t talk about his family or upbringing, or what he did in Platinum Jail or the time he spent alone in this house. Aoba wouldn’t prod about those things, and it wasn’t such a big deal that they didn’t discuss such things often. But this was different, because he didn’t know why it was happening or not talked about. Mink’s family, Platinum Jail and other such things were wrapped in pain and regret, and there was nothing to be done to change the past. Mink was free from the burden of blind revenge, but it didn’t mean he was free from the feelings that brought him to that point. It didn’t mean that he didn’t have problems he had to deal with in regards to his own actions to obtain his revenge, either. But Aoba hated to bring it up for fear of shaking up negative feelings or upset. He would have to if he ever wanted peace, though and he knew this.

Aoba cooked dinner for the two of them, sitting in a now spotless kitchen. He tried to think of ways to approach the subject, if he could manage to create an opening to insert his concerns. He thought that maybe he’d make a really nice dinner, but opted to cook a dinner of standard fare for them. He liked to prepare nice meals and such for good occasions and he didn’t want to feel like he was trying to butter Mink up or placate him so there wouldn’t be any backlash from broaching the subject.

Mink returned home and Aoba already had dinner ready. Mink didn’t say much as was his usual habit, and they sat down and ate together. Then chatted a bit about the day and as the meal winded down, Mink looked at Aoba squarely and said “Are you alright?” Aoba was taken aback for a moment, and then smiled a little awkwardly.

“Ye..Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, but Mink was unconvinced.

“You seemed upset this morning,” he said, “I just want to make sure you are alright. Did you have bad dreams?”

“No, not really.”

“Hmm. Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I was just tired.”

Mink sighed a little and nodded gently, then stood and took his dishes to the sink. Instead of washing them off as usual, he set them in and was still for a moment, looking out the window. He turned a little, without looking at Aoba again, then said “I’m going to go sit outside for a while. The night is nice, so I would like to enjoy it. You can join me, if you’d like.” He then walked out and went outside. Aoba looked off in his direction for a few minutes before talking his own dishes to the sink. He decided to wash them and as he did so, he looked out the window and saw Mink sitting under a tree. He smiled a little. Mink looked so contemplative in the light of dusk. Mink was always at peace in nature and looked so happy when he was outside, regardless of what he was doing.

Aoba’s stomach tightened a little, though. Mink could tell he was a little off today, but he had invited him to sit outside with him. Aoba very much wanted to sit with Mink in the calm of the evening but he worried about how the conversation might unfold or if they’d even discuss anything so deep. He sighed a little and straightened himself as confidently as he could. 

Aoba went outside and stepped up next to Mink under the tree, looking off in the same direction as Mink but didn’t say anything. After several quiet moments, Mink cleared his throat a little. Aoba looked down at him. Mink smiled slightly. “Sit with me,” he said. He then took Aoba’s hand and guided him to sit in front of him, and then Mink pulled Aoba’s back to his chest and wrapped his arms around him, resting his chin atop Aoba’s head. They lay like this for some time, listening to the birds and wind and watched the first stars starting to appear.

“I don’t think you’re alright,” Mink said suddenly, breaking the white noise of the outdoors. Aoba tensed a little, but then willed himself to relax again.

“I’m just having a hard day,” he replied, unsure of what to say. It was vague but not untrue, and Mink squeezed Aoba a little.

“You seemed a little off this morning,” Mink said, “And I have been thinking about it all day.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What is there to be sorry for? You are entitled to your feelings.”

“I know, but.. I feel like I’m being a little silly.”

“What about?”

“Its silly.”

“I doubt I will feel the same.”

“No, you will!”

“If I don’t know what it is, then I can’t say if I do or don’t.”

“Fine…. Mink, why don’t you sleep with me?”  
There was a long silence after the question before Mink replied. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, that when you think I’ve fallen asleep, you get out of bed and sleep in the other room. Do I move too much? Do you not like sleeping next to me?”

There was another long silence. Aoba felt his face get warm.

“Its not that,” Mink said, “I like sleeping next to you.”

“Then why won’t you?”

“Aoba….”

“Come on, you have to tell me why. Its bothering me.”

“Aoba, why do you love me?”

Aoba was thrown completely off track by the question. It seemed out of place and unrelated to the conversation, but he sighed heavily and was glad they weren’t facing each other, since he was sure his face betrayed the sadness he felt. He was sad for the both of them in that moment, and not completely sure how to answer the question.

“I…” Aoba said, “I don’t know if I can answer that in a satisfactory way. I love you because you’re you.”

“But I don’t like that answer.”

“I have no other way to answer that question.”

“I am not worth loving for just being myself.”

“NO! There is nothing wrong with you!”

“There is. I did so many unforgivable things to you, and yet you’re here. I don’t deserve this.”

“Don’t I have a say about that?”

“You do, that is why you’re here with me. Don’t get me wrong, I love you so much that it hurts. And that hurt is even worse when I remember those things and that I not only did them, but to someone I love as much as I do. I am grateful you’re here with me, that you chose me. But I have done nothing to deserve it.”

“You have done so much for me.”

“It doesn’t matter how much I do for you, it will never be enough to equal what I did to you before. Nothing will. I will always do everything I can for you, but those thoughts are there. That past is there.”

“But it’s the past, and I’d like to leave it there.”

“Do you never think about it, or worry about it?”

“I’ve told you before that I don’t worry about it. You don’t scare me like you did then. I can’t say I never think about it or feel pain from it, but the man right here with me is so different and let go of so much to be the man he is now.”

“That doesn’t erase the sins.”

“And nothing ever will, but I want you and love you. You are the one I want and the one I need.”

“But I hurt you so much.”

“I know, but you do so much to not hurt me again. You know that if you ever give me reason to be afraid, I’d leave even if it hurt.”

“And I hope you would. I would never hurt you again, but if I did, I’d want you to leave no matter what.”

“I will never forgive what happened, because I just can’t. But I love the man I see in front of me now. You now is almost a different person to me. Most days, I don’t even think about it.”

“I never want you to forgive me for it. I can’t erase it no matter how much I want to, and I refuse to try because I need to be punished for it for the rest of my time on this planet. But you, Aoba, you are a gift. A gift I don’t deserve to have.”

“Well, too bad because you have it. Maybe its part of your punishment, too.”

“Ha, maybe it is, after all?”

“Maybe I should give you a smack every day until we die.”

“I don’t know about that. I will be suspicious of you for the rest of time.”

“Maybe that will be part of your eternal punishment.”

Mink then nuzzled his face into Aoba’s hair. “I haven’t slept many nights with you because I have trouble sleeping when I am in bed with you sometimes. I don’t feel like I deserve to be trusted so much that you’ll allow me to sleep with you. I worry that you might have bad dreams because of me.”

“I have bad dreams because you don’t sleep with me, “ Aoba retorted.

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” he said gently.

“I want you next to me all the time, Mink. The past was bad, the past was unforgivable, but the present is so good, and I love you so much. Don’t deprive me of you.” Aoba turned to face Mink then, grabbed his face and kissed him deeply. “You deserve some happiness even if you’ve done terrible things. It’d be different if you were still an asshole, but you’re not. Its ok to allow yourself to feel good. You can continue to punish yourself if you want to, but don’t do it in a way that removes you from me. I don’t deserve to be punished.”

Mink smirked a little, then kissed Aoba back gently. They began to kiss fervently and wildly, and Mink shifted and eased Aoba on his back. He ran a hand up Aoba’s shirt, his large hand covering a surprisingly large portion of Aoba’s torso. His finger tips gently appreciated every curve of Aoba’s chest and stomach and he moved his mouth to Aoba’s neck and kissed it roughly. Aoba let out a breathy gasp and bucked his pelvis into Mink’s. Mink let out a short laugh against Aoba’s neck and played with Aoba’s nipple then, as he continued to work Aoba’s neck.

Eventually, Mink pulled away and looked down at Aoba with the softest expression Aoba had ever seen him don. “I love you,” he said, Aoba’s face looking somewhat angelic in the twilight, “I will sleep next to you from now on. I apologize for causing you hurt.”

“Shut up and carry me inside,” Aoba replied.


End file.
